Well it has been five months since I have left Malawi, Africa, and my life has not been the same since. I’ve seen the starving, I’ve seen death, I had to leave people I love in Malawi, and that changes your life forever and you have to be able to learn to cope with that pain, but I think that pain kept building from thing back in the States when I got back and I didn’t know what to do with that pain.
I thought college was going to be easy (even though I was dreading going). It’s not. I messed a lot of things up. Friends, school, dreams, you name it, I’ve probably messed it up. LOL. But you know what the best thing about messing things up, that I just had to relearn, is? We always have a clean slate because Christ washed us clean.
John Locke believed in the Tabula Rasa, that a person is born with no knowledge and that they must experience life in order to learn. Well I am going to play on that, but in a different way. Before we surrender our lives to Christ, our slate is covered in Sharpie, pencil, pen, blood, sweat, and tears, but as soon as we give it all to Christ, He is our wonderful Magic Eraser that clears our slate away. Our life is the Tabula Rasa after surrendering it to God. But even after we surrender our lives to Christ we keep drawing on our slate with any nasty thing we find, it’s just that Christ is there to immediately wipe that nasty gunk off of it (that is if you are actively trying to pursue Him).
I know that I asked Jesus to come into my life quite a few years ago, but I am so stubborn and prideful that I think I can do life by myself, so I slip of the narrow steep path of God and wander around until I run into some poison ivy, or worse, getting bit by a serpent. This time I was bit by the serpent of Pride and Arrogance. It usually takes God poking my wound and punching me in the face a few times before I am like “Oh, you were talking to me?” I think of myself as strong headed, tough, independent, and free spirited, but those things get the better of me sometimes. I lose the humility that I strive to have. I lose the compassion for other people. I lose the will to push through things I know I absolutely hate and do not want to do, and that is what has gotten me into trouble now.
No, I am not a spaced out druggie. No, I am not a serial killer. But I might as well be, because pride, arrogance, and not being humble are just as bad sins as those. Those sins still tear people apart. They destroy families. They cause you to owe a lot of money. At least I know that I can always look behind my shoulder and God is right there propping me up to make sure I do not fall into some places that I have before. He is there no matter how many stupid mistakes I make. His love for us is unconditional. He will not turn His back on us no matter how many times we spit in his face and throw rocks at Him, and the most amazing thing is He will stand there until we realize what we have done to Him. It’s not like we can hurt Him, but is sorrowful when we get to the point of believing we can do life on our own and we shove Him out of the way.
That is why I love my faith. No matter how many times I trip, or how many times I intentionally wonder, or how many times I put off homework to watch makeup videos, He will always be there to catch me. Now I strive to be more like Him. Every time I make a mistake on my slate I try to remember how I made that mistake so I do not do it again, but even if I do slip, which is a lot more than I would like, He is always there to erase those mistakes so that we can keep writing our own story.